By Sal Parkes
To create a life filled with love, peace, and overall abundance requires a certain degree of self esteem i.e. a certain level of belief in your capacity to positively influence what you want to experience in life.
Really, our self esteem boils down to our willingness to accept our dualistic natures without judgement– the good and the bad, dark and light, strong and weak and honest and dishonest. To be able to accept and draw strength from both our strengths and weakness, allows us to walk forward in life with wholeness, purpose and power.
Our esteem determines our levels of self belief which in turn determines our power to create and influence the direction our life takes. I choose to view life as an ongoing journey of self mastery and personal evolution as I’ve found this perspective is more helpful towards personal transformation than a “I need fixing” approach.
We live under the common pretense that in order for something to be perceived as having value, it has to be widely appreciated and accepted so we often deny those parts of ourselves that we deem as imperfect or undesirable.
Whether we like it or not, as human beings we have shadow qualities – those aspects of ourselves we wish didn’t exist. The psychologist Carl Jung refers to this aspect of ourselves as the shadow self “the person you would rather not be”.
When we habitually deny these aspects of ourselves eventually they start to subconsciously influence our actions. These are the times when we behave “out of character” and create an undesirable outcome only later to experience guilt and emotionally punish ourselves wondering: “why on Earth did I say that” …”how could I have done…” “I can’t believe how stupid that was”…
Every time we deny an aspect of our being and compromise our true nature in order to be perceived in a certain way, we erode our self esteem. So, one of the most powerful ways to raise self-esteem is to start accepting the disowned parts of ourselves without judgement or criticism (I’ve found humour always helps!).
Overcoming The Fear Of What Others Think & Say
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss
Mirrors exist all around us, in the form of other people. It’s only when I convinced myself I was definitely not capable of the certain behaviour that I used to point the finger and feel upset at the other person.
However, any behaviour in others that triggers a negative reaction from us is actually a behaviour that needs to be integrated and accepted within ourselves. More often than not, it has very little to do with the person you point the finger at.
To blame, judge, attack and condemn others has become widely accepted within society which gives us a powerful insight into the collective self-esteem of modern society. Next time you find yourself on the receiving end of somebody else’s criticisms, judgements or fears, remember their reactions say more about their shadows and levels of esteem than they do about your actions.
Those with a healthy self-esteem are willing to integrate and compassionately accept the totality of their being – both their shadows and greatness and in turn they can allow for others to do the same.
I mention this because the majority of people compromise when it comes to their dreams and expressing their true nature out of fear of what others may say or think. Yet we are capable of so much more when we recognize the negative feedback we fear has nothing to do with us and everything to do with the other person’s esteem issues.
Each of us has something unique to contribute in our lives so we owe it to ourselves to develop the levels of self esteem required for us to fully share this gift with the world.
Bio: Sal Parkes is the founder of Conscious Entrepreneur.net and lives in Kent, UK and has committed her life to helping individuals create spiritual, emotional and financial wealth so they can live and create the change they want to see in the world. She works with a deep sense of passion and insight when it comes to empowering entrepreneurs with the wisdom, insights, skills and strategies to breakthrough their perceived limitations to create a life and business they love.